youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
