wake up i wanna do it froggy style
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
