The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
