Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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