she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
