we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
