the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
