I need help removing her.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
