Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
