Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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