I want to have your abortion
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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