I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
