im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
