a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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