everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
