I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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