i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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