Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
