This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
