Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
