Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize