he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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