i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
