I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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