My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
