don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
