But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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