i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
PANTIES FOUND
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