i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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