dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
