What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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