the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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