Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
