I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
