We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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