from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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