Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Boobs are out for the taking
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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