It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
