Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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