dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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