So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
