Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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