Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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