Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She told me I should be a condom model.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
