What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
