i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
