I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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