i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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