Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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