I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
