Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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